Box Office No-jo
The formulas now filling the theaters
To save everyone a lot of effort, here are the box-office results for each weekend through April.
1. Black Men Dressing Up as Big Ol’ Women
2. Unbelievably Graphic and Cruel Horror Movie
3. Needless Remake of ’70s Horror Movie
4. Needless Remake of ’70s Comedy, Now Pitched As Family-Oriented Even If It Wasn’t Before
5. Weak-Ass Romantic Comedy with an Irrelevant Title Phrase
6. Rote Action Flick
7. Lame Children’s Movie Quietly Dumped Into Theaters or Old Comedy Retooled into Teen Girls’ Movie
8.-14. The versions of the above movies from the previous weekend
15. Hot Chick as Title Character of Bleak-Future Action Movie with Laughably Cheap Special Effects and All-White Over-designed Sets, So Obviously Craptastic That You Can’t Believe This Was Greenlighted Even Once, Much Less Multiple Times
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