25 Cents’ Worth

The current top quarter:MaineEntertainment is (sadly) all about money, but money is rarely considered entertaining. So let’s turn it into a cutthroat competition. The contenders: the 50 state quarters, being released through 2008, five per year, in the order in which the states joined the Union.

Although the designs of some coins can be seen before release at the U.S. Mint website, coins will be ranked here only after they have been released and obtained and can be seen in metallic form.

35 quarters ranked so far. (Each entry lists the ranking, the coin’s year of release, the sequence of release, the state, and commentary. The link on the entry’s state name points to the magnified coin design on the U.S. Mint site.)

Rank Year Seq. State and comment
1 ’03 23 Maine This simple rendering of a New England lighthouse watching over a historic ship is damned elegant, and so distinctive and powerful that no other images or words are used or needed. Maine has nailed it.
2 ’99 3 New Jersey Washington crossing the Delaware: classy, intricate, patriotic, inspirational. Makes me want to sign up for the American Revolution right now!
3 ’01 12 North Carolina When you’ve got something as good as the Wright Brothers going for you, you run with it, baby. (As long as you can be sure you’ll get to it first; by contrast, see Ohio.)
4 ’05 31 California For once, the people of California chose wisely, picking the most majestic of our quarter candidates, the John Muir-Yosemite image. Shame we need all those extra words to explain to the outlanders who and what this is.
5 ’99 1 Delaware The First State gets the ball rolling the right way, with a nice illustration. Whoever the hell Caesar Rodney is.
6 ’01 13 Rhode Island A yacht cruising past a postmodern bridge span makes this the first coin to invite a vacation. Good con job, Rhode Island!
7 ’99 5 Connecticut Lovingly depicts the majesty of a big tree that blew over in 1856. Hey, it was that or an insurance policy.
8 ’00 10 Virginia The Jamestown ships are grand; with so much historical cred to work with, Virginia could hardly lose in the symbol game. But, it loses points for trying to sneak in too much self-promotion with a strained push of the settlement’s quadricentennial, still seven years away.
9 ’01 14 Vermont The human tapping trees to make syrup is appealingly unique. The slogan for the first state to seriously recognize same-sex monogamy reads, FREEDOM AND UNITY. But not for maple trees, enslaved for their delicious, pancaky sap! Bwahahaha!
10 ’03 24 Missouri I’m a sucker for the Gateway Arch, so lots of whuffie there. But what’s with the geographic rearrangement? How are Huck, Tom, and their gentleman friend riding the river beneath the arch? What is this, Mark Twain’s The Fellership of That There Ring? And what the eff does CORPS OF DISCOVERY mean?
11 ’01 15 Kentucky In a not unpredictable picture, my native state goes with My Old Kentucky Home (famed in racist song and story) teetering precariously over a thoroughbred. Suggested alternate: an X-ray of a diseased lung to depict two of the commonwealth’s byproducts: emphysema and black lung!
12 ’05 34 Kansas It’s a safe bet no other state will serve up a Giant Attack Buffalo. Clearly the product of evolution. (Don’t tell Kansas.)
13 ’02 16 Tennessee Kentucky’s twin sister (c’mon everyone, admit it) goes with a spare collection of instruments showing its MUSICAL HERITAGE (as a strange little banner at the bottom notes). The image, containing a guitar, fiddle, and horn, diplomatically bridges the Memphis-Nashville chasm; plus, it’s probably a much better choice that the state’s few other options, such as, say, Dolly Parton’s breasts.
14 ’00 9 New Hampshire Shows the rock formation “Old Man of the Mountain.” Funny; we see a vase. (Though now, we don’t see anything; since the coin was released, the formation has collapsed.)
15 ’05 33 Oregon 2005 turns out to be quite the scenic year: first California and Minnesota, now a lovely portrait of Crater Lake. Fairly nondescript, though. Change the state name, and it could be Tahoe.
16 ’04 29 Iowa A schoolhouse flanks an intricate Arbor Day scene below the slogan FOUNDATION IN EDUCATION. If the quarters get any more detailed than this, we’ll need a Foundation in Optometry.
17 ’04 27 Florida Looks like Gilligan screwed up again and let the space shuttle leave without them. Fortunately, an old ship is headed their way for some reason.
18 ’05 35 West Virginia A bridge over a gorge? For this state, that’s a winner.
19 ’04 30 Wisconsin No, Wisconsin, you did not just slap a cow and the word FORWARD on your quarter. Snaps for cojones.
20 ’03 25 Arkansas What do you give the state that has nothing? Apparently, a duck and a diamond. Points for originality.
21 ’05 32 Minnesota Something good going here, — pretty lake, pretty waterfowl — but then the state loses its nerve and resorts to adding a map.
22 ’01 11 New York Compare this to Massachusetts. I think we’ve found the default template for the state quarters. (See lower entries for more on the lameness of state outlines.)
23 ’02 17 Ohio Any cred gained by the presence of a shiny astronaut is lost to that automatic point deductor, a state outline, plus an attempt to horn in on North Carolina’s previously engraved claim to the Wright Brothers. Yes, they were from Ohio, but the state should have known from the sequence what would happen here. Now it just looks bad. On the other hand, maybe we can start a Quarters of the States drinking game. Every time you see the Wright Brothers’ plane, take a drink. Pretty soon, you’ll fly a few feet before crashing to earth.
24 ’02 19 Indiana Atop a dull ring of stars and a dull state outline sits the slogan CROSSROADS OF AMERICA, and – omigod, there’s a racecar headed right toward us! Get out of the crossroads!
25 ’00 8 South Carolina Behold the Palmetto State! Behold the Palmetto plant! Behold the, um, Palmetto bird?
26 ’00 6 Massachusetts The patriot almost makes the cartography work. But wait a minute … it says THE BAY STATE. The Bay State? What does that have to do with Patriot Guy? Bzzt.
27 ’03 22 Alabama Some gifted resident realized Alabama could claim Helen Keller, maybe the only thing about Alabama that can’t be mocked. Good thing, because what else does this sorry, sub-California excuse for a state have to work with? A bunch of brainless zealots standing around rocks in courthouses? Headwear-impaired football coaches? Glorious memories of segregation?
28 ’04 28 Texas The Lone Star State gives us, well, a lone star and a state. But extra points for the rare use of sans-serif type on a coin.
29 ’02 18 Louisiana An outline of the mainland U.S. ups the unfortunate cartographic ante to show how much territory Louisiana doesn’t have any more. Throw in a pelican and a trumpet facing left (hey, Tennessee, can we borrow your stencil?), and you’ve got a coin design by committee. Sad; I was looking forward to seeing a crawfish and a nutria holding appendages in brotherhood. (Then again, could be worse; they could have gone with Britney.)
30 ’02 20 Mississippi What an, um, interesting pile of curves on this coin. Oh, wait, they’re flowers. Colorful plants don’t work so well as uncolored line art, as most educated people realize. But this is Mississippi.
31 ’00 7 Maryland It took seven states, but here it is, our first phallic entry!
32 ’99 2 Pennsylvania A damn map. Whom do we look like, Rand Frigging McNally?
33 ’03 21 Illinois A state outline, a vague skyline, some farmhouse, two slogans, Lincoln – good god, Illinois, make a decision! And to top off the hodgepodge, one of the slogans strains to draw this parallel: 21st / State / Century. In the end, it’s all a desperate cry for attention.
34 ’04 26 Michigan Look, Michigan, you can say GREAT LAKES STATE all you want, but that doesn’t disguise the simple fact that you’ve got nothin’ but a map. Sad, really.
35 ’99 4 Georgia A warning to the rest of you states: state outlines are boring, no matter how much you might try to enliven them with butt-shaped fruit.